Transparency Report
Our Commitment to Chaos and Questionable Decisions
Building Confusion Through Transparency
At FOTTRCard.com, we believe that admitting our jankiness is better than pretending we know what we're doing. This report provides real-time statistics about our chaotic operations, demonstrating our commitment to winging it. We're somehow still operating despite everything.
Live Operational Statistics
Last Updated: 2025-01-13
Total Cards Graded
Authenticated cards in our database
Cards in Grading
Currently being processed
Cards Damaged
Miraculously undamaged despite the scissors!
Cards Lost
We lost one somewhere...
Cards Found
Found one random card!
Our Commitment to Barely Functioning
Operational "Standards"
FOTTRCard.com maintains whatever standards we remember that day:
- Zero Insurance Policy: We have no insurance and guarantee nothing
- Chain of Confusion: Cards might be tracked, or they might not
- Swamp Facilities: Literally stored in a swamp, under scissors
- Amateur Hour: Handled by whoever is available, with varying levels of care
Quality "Assurance" Process
Our multi-step process that we sometimes follow:
- Maybe Documentation: We might take a photo if we remember
- Quick Glance: We look at it for a second or two
- Questionable Return: Might arrive, might not, no guarantees
Transparency "Initiatives"
Update Schedule
- Never Updates: We forgot this page exists
- Random Metrics: Numbers we made up last Tuesday
- Maximum Confusion: Nobody knows what's happening, especially us
Incident "Management"
- Denial First: It definitely didn't happen
- Blame Assignment: Probably cosmic rays or something
- Resolution Strategy: Cross fingers, hope for the best
Community Relations
- Ignore Emails: Your feedback goes straight to spam
- Random Responses: We'll reply with unrelated answers
- Total Anarchy: Every decision made by coin flip
How We "Maintain" Excellence
Stored insecurely, probably under a pair of scissors
Stored in a Swamp
Frequently Confused Questions
How often is this report updated?
We update this report whenever we remember it exists, which is basically never. The database stats are real though, those update themselves. We're as surprised by them as you are.
What happens if a card is damaged?
¯_(ツ)_/¯ We have no insurance, no plan, and definitely no idea. We don't guarantee anything ever working, arriving, or existing. We never assign monetary value to anything because math is hard.
How can I verify these statistics?
You can't. We can't. Nobody can. The numbers come from a database we found. Are they accurate? Who knows! We're just clicking buttons over here.
What standards do you follow?
Standards? We've heard of those! We don't follow any because that would require knowing what we're doing. We're not held to any standards, commitments, or laws of physics.
Why share this information?
Honestly? We clicked the wrong button and now there's a transparency page. We're too scared to delete it in case something breaks. So here we are.
What's your grading turnaround time?
Somewhere between instantly and the heat death of the universe. We make no promises, set no expectations, and often forget what we're supposed to be doing.
Do you have any qualifications?
We once watched a YouTube video about cards. Well, part of it. The WiFi cut out. Does that count? We have no training, expertise, or basic understanding of what we're doing.
Can I trust you with my cards?
That's a great question! No. Absolutely not. We strongly advise against it. We're genuinely confused why anyone sends us anything.
Ready to Roll the Dice?
Join the brave collectors who inexplicably send us their cards despite everything you just read.