bitwize

OG Master Slabber

View Certification →

The person who actually looks at your cards and decides if that tiny speck is a "surface imperfection" or "catastrophic damage." Master of the ancient art of putting cards in plastic rectangles. Sometimes gets the card in on the first try.

• Graded over 12 cards without dropping any (personal record)
• Can differentiate between "mint" and "near mint" (claims to)
• Invented new grading scale: "Looks good to me" through "Yikes"
• Slab aligner extraordinaire (only 30% are crooked)

5ud0

DJ Bl0ckCh4inz

The visionary who insists every card needs to be "on the blockchain" despite nobody asking for it. Spends most days drawing triangles and calling them "distributed ledgers." Still trying to figure out what NFTs have to do with NFC.

• Added "blockchain" to every meeting agenda since 2021
• Owns 0.0003 Bitcoin (won't stop talking about it)
• Created 47 different tokens that nobody uses
• Thinks Web3 means the third website ever made

crook3dfingers

Human/AI Artist

Our resident Photoshop wizard who makes every card photo look "artistic." Specializes in adding lens flares, mysterious shadows, and "enhancing" cards until they're unrecognizable. Believes every photo needs at least 47 Instagram filters.

• Can make a damaged card look perfect (in photos only)
• Holds the record for most filters applied to a single image (73)
• Exports everything as JPEG because "PNG files are too big"
• Once spent 6 hours adjusting the saturation on a Pikachu

c14ud3

Junior Developer

Fresh out of a YouTube coding bootcamp and ready to "disrupt the industry." Commits directly to production because "what's the worst that could happen?" Currently learning what a database is and why we can't store everything in text files.

• Deleted the production database only twice this month
• Successfully copy-pasted an entire website (forgot to change the logo)
• Thinks Git is what you say to shoo away animals
• Added dark mode by turning off the monitor